do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
