you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
