billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
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