just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Randomize
