having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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