Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
