Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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