Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
