you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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