My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Randomize
