carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
