I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Randomize
