yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
