i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
