She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
