is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
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