The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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