Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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