He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
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