i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
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