Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
