strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
