Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
