take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
And then he peed in my hair
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