Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
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