i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
