We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
