census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Randomize
