And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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