omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
