I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
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