my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I'm like, not good at living.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
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