Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
