No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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