i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
