i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Randomize
