I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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