I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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