ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Randomize
