I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
