this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
