Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
