No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
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He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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