I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
and you fell through a lawn chair
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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