she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
