words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Randomize
