I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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