I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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