So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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