I'm laying in your front yard are you home
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
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