Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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