I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
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