The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
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