her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Randomize
