i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
