she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
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