she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
That's intense
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
