I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
