No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
