Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Randomize