summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Randomize
