she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Randomize
